Author offers hope following domestic violence
By Jeff Gallatin
North Olmsted
Published June 25, 2008

Becky Conrad's two books on domestic violence, “The Door of Façade” and its sequel, “Better Day Dawning.”

For many victims of domestic violence, even though the nightmares don’t go away, they move on to better things.

“I still have them,” said award-winning Ohio author Becky Conrad. “I have one where he (her ex-husband) is chasing me with a knife down a hall. But you learn to move beyond it.”

Conrad, who wrote “The Door of Façade” and its sequel, “Better Day Dawning,” about domestic violence and its aftermath, did a book signing at Waldenbooks in Westfield Great Northern Mall on Saturday. In addition to signing books, she spoke about her experiences as a victim of domestic violence and as an author who helps other victims of domestic violence through her books and by speaking and working with them.

“There are no easy ways,” she said. “A lot of the physical scars heal, but the emotional ones stay and you learn to cope with them.”

Conrad said her second husband, who she gives an alias to in her writing to protect their privacy, has been a large part of her healing process.

“He’s my prince about many things,” she said. “He’s told me he wishes he had been there when all of it was happening so he could take me away from it then. He’s great and very supportive about my work and all of it.”

Conrad cautions that even though she has found a prince in her second husband, much of the healing and dealing with the actual problem of domestic violence still has to come from the actual victim.

“You’ve got to get away from it,” she said. “It’s not going to get better; it gets worse.”

Conrad said many victims try to rationalize that it will get better.

“This is something you can’t sugarcoat,” she said. “The violence and abuse, physical and mental, will not go away. It’s hard to get through for many people because they don’t want to acknowledge that it’s going on, or if they do they don’t want to make it public.”

Conrad said the majority of domestic violence victims are women, but noted that it can happen with men, too.

“Sometimes a woman can be raised with it and then she becomes an abuser when she’s older,” Conrad said. “A lot of men who are abusers also started with it. But there are a lot of good men out there, too. They can and do help, and the information in the book can help any victim.”

She said she tries to help in her own way through the books, speaking and working as a volunteer.

“Sometimes, people will see the book and realize they have to do something before it’s too late,” she said. “Or they’ll pick it up and read a part and think, ‘I’ve got a problem and I’ve got to deal with it.’”

Reading the book or related materials, or hearing her speak on the issue can also help prompt victims to act, Conrad said.

“Hopefully it prompts them to seek that help, get out and survive,” she said. “I know it can be difficult. That’s why I spend as much time talking and being with people as I do signing at these.”

True to her word, after one woman came up to Conrad while she was talking with West Life, the author quickly and quietly ascertained that the other woman was also a victim and talked to her and ended up exchanging information and hugs with the woman as well as signing her books for her.

“It means a lot to me that I can do that and help support someone else and give them something,” she said.

Her books also helped her give back and get beyond what she experienced, Conrad said.

“My first book was about domestic violence and abuse itself,” she said. “The second was more about the better times coming and getting beyond what you’ve experienced.”

North Olmsted City Police Officer Jim Carbone, who came to the event to provide support and additional information from police about dealing with abuse, said Conrad’s work is extremely helpful.

“We need people like Becky who have survived the abuse and are willing to reach out and help others,” Carbone said. “She does a lot of good for people with this.”

Carbone said his and other departments also have assistance available.

Kenn Martin-Schultz, manager of the Borders Outlet bookstore, which co-sponsored the event along with Walden Books, said they were glad to participate.

“There are a lot of important issues out there, and if we can provide a little help by holding an event like this then we’re glad to do it,” he said. “Getting involved is part of being in a community.”

For Conrad, she also will continue to stay involved.

“It’s tough for anyone to deal with,” she said. “If I can still provide some help with the books and talking about it, then I’m glad to do it.”