White Lightning

A 27-year-old Cleveland resident was stopped on Aug. 23 at Jaycox and Chester roads after committing a marked-lanes violation. The very real driver had fictitious plates on his car, while driving with a suspended driver’s license. Also, he had a real container of Patron, so he was cited for driving in marked lanes, fictitious plates, driving under suspension, and open container.

Friends in Low Places

An 18-year-old Avon Lake resident really must not understand why the store is called Get-Go. On Aug. 17, police watched a lad enter the store without shoes or a shirt, then exit quickly with two bags of chips and a bag of beef jerky. He was arrested for disorderly conduct, resisting arrest, and (surprise!) underage consumption of alcoholic beverages. The driver of the non-getaway car was placed under arrest for operating a vehicle impaired (OVI), while another passenger was charged with underage consumption of alcoholic beverages.


The Trailer Song

Have any of you seen a 60-foot Wabash trailer with NALARA written on its sides? On Aug. 21, police received a call that one was stolen from a location on Chester Industrial Parkway on July 2 and was discovered missing on Aug. 18, 47 days later.


Two Story House

Police received a call from someone on Bruce Road on Aug. 26 that someone in a silver van drove by her house and “took a photo of the home which she found odd.” Well, it is your house, but perhaps that's why he took the photo.

She Thinks I Still Care

A yard full of smiley faces received Aug. 25 is giving a woman on Juneway a frowny face. It seems her ex won't take a hint, and the North Ridgeville resident keeps sending her things. Besides the smiley faces, he's sent her flowers and candles. She's concerned because the fellow, whom she describes as very controlling, told her in June that he bought a gun, and, although he's never been violent, she is worried because she lives alone. Police advised her on security possibilities.


A resident on Wolf Road found life vests in her driveway on Aug. 25. No boat was in sight. And it wasn't raining.

Ring of Fire

A woman on Canterbury Road called about her neighbor using a torch on a piece of wood in his back yard on Aug. 26. She didn't feel it was safe because it wasn't in a fire pit, even though police found he had a hose next to him.

Turn Your Radio On

A garbage truck provided an unexpected service on Aug. 26 when it cut the cable for a resident near Donald Ave and Dover Center Road. A caller had reported the cable was blocking the road and sidewalk and a youngster running over it with a bicycle. An officer did the homeowner, who wasn't home, a favor by cutting the cable.


I Walk the Line

I couldn't find any blotter reports from this wonderful suburb, not that they are all innocent people there. Why, I went to a convenience store the other day and spent $1.49 on a Reese's Cup. I was a couple of miles away when I bit into it. It was so stale that it was like biting into a handful of flour.


Tell Me a Lie

Years ago, Walmart came out with a slogan of “Save Money, Live Better.” Some people get confused by the first part. On Aug. 17, Walmart security watched a customer scan 27 items and neglect to scan 16. He did not forget to bag those 16 items, which came to a total of $74.47 (tax included.) When stopped by police, the man, who has a criminal record, said he had forgotten to pay for the items. He had $3,000 and offered to pay for them. But, as Carole King once sang, it's too late, baby.

Old Dogs, Children and Watermelon Wine

On Aug. 24, an apparently intoxicated mother came home at 2:45 a.m. and began screaming at her daughter, which escalated into throwing objects at the daughter. It didn't end there. She began choking their 70-pound dog, then threw the dog at her daughter, prompting a call to the police. After arriving, the police asked her if she was abusive toward her daughter or had choked the dog. At that point, she became very upset and said she would never hurt the dog. Police took her in, charged her with disorderly conduct, and waited until she was sober to release her.

Man of Constant Sorrow

There have been people pretending to be celebrities. And some people have pretended they are rich. And apparently, there are some people who claim to be nobody in particular. Police stopped a driver on Aug. 17 for a minor violation, but there was a problem. He wasn't the driver he claimed to be. The driver, who said he did not have his license on him, gave his name and a Social Security number. However, police discovered there was a warning that people had been using this person's identification. They also found that the driver had renewed his driver's license two days earlier, although he told an officer he had renewed it a couple of years ago. Police did find a credit card with a completely different name, leading them to discover there was a warrant for the driver. The formerly unidentified driver was released after being charged with falsification, driving under suspension and making an improper turn.


He Stopped Loving Her Today

It was a sad morning on Aug. 23 when a possum (no, I'm not putting the o in it) was hit on Canterbury Road between Wolf Road and Lake Ave. While it was alive when the call was made, the brave young marsupial expired.


A total of 11 unlocked cars were entered Aug. 18 in Rocky River neighborhoods. The tally included two on Avalon Drive, two on Whittlesay Lane, one on Aberdeen Road, one on Elmwood Road and five on Morewood Parkway. Loose change was taken from them. Detectives are investigating. After a day off, three cars on Bates Drive, two cars on Orchard Park Drive, two cars on Southbend Drive, a car on Westway Drive and three cars on Southbend Circle were entered, with a purse, change and some papers taken. Again, the cars were unlocked. After another day off, two more cars were entered on Bates Road. It's unknown if they were unlocked. Can anyone see a pattern?


I Go Crazy

OK, you'll need a scorecard for this one. A little before midnight on Aug. 28, police got a call from a 24-year-old woman on Malone Avenue saying her boyfriend's 25-year-old friend wouldn’t leave. When they arrived, the boyfriend's friend had left, but the 24-year-old boyfriend had gotten into an “altercation” with the 50-year-old female homeowner. Although no charges were required, the boyfriend needed a ride to Sheetz, and then a ride to his home in Elyria. He received it.


Sunday Morning Coming Down

After stopping a 25-year-old Lorain resident for a traffic violation on Interstate 90 at Crocker Road on Aug. 23, police were concerned that he couldn't follow simple instructions and seemed very nervous. Perhaps it had something to do with the small baggie of white powder, a scale, a grinder and several rounds of 9mm ammunition. Pending lab results, a summons will be issued.

On the Road Again

After being seen trying to jump out of a car traveling on Interstate 90 that then parked at the DoubleTree hotel, a female passenger said her 36-year-old boyfriend had taken drugs then threatened to cut her with a knife and hit her with a tire iron. Meanwhile, the boyfriend was attempting to hide behind a car while foaming at the mouth. He was later charged with domestic violence, resisting arrest, unlawful restraint and menacing.

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