They Ought To Name A Drink After You

Police were wondering why a Chevy Equinox was stuck in the middle of a field on State Route 511 on March 27. When they investigated, they found that the 36-year-old North Ridgeville was snockered. In fact, when tested, she had a .213 breath-alcohol content, about two and a half times the legal limit of .08. She was charged with operating a vehicle while intoxicated (OVI) and OVI breath greater than .170.


Daddy’s Little Pumpkin

An adult reported a verbal threat to a juvenile by an 18-year-old Elyria man on March 23.

New Train

A train blocked Moore and Miller Roads on March 24, causing officers to put up barricades. About 90 minutes later, it was found that the train had moved. Norfolk Southern was served a summons by certified mail to appear in Avon Lake Municipal Court.


Dear Abby

A Lakewood woman was reported to keep sending messages to a married man about dating him. The man’s wife reported the incident to police on March 40. She said her husband has blocked her number, but she has an app that shows the messages are from other numbers.Officers advised the couple to come in so the messages could be viewed, but the man works 70 hours a week and will have to find a time.


Quit Hollering At Me

The North Coast Credit Union had someone blocking the drive-through lane on March 23 when a 49-year-old Cleveland man decided to go through on foot. He was loud and angry because the lobby was closed, and he wanted to take out a loan. Officers discovered he had several warrants for his arrest, including three from North Olmsted. He was arrested and transferred to North Olmsted.

In Spite Of Ourselves

A couple were causing a disturbance in their Clifford Drive home on March 25 by arguing. Police found the 42-year-old husband had a warrant for a previous domestic violence situation. He was arrested for that warrant. And then the next day, he decided to stay at a friend’s place, just a couple of doors down from her address, which was a violation of the temporary protection order.


Crooked Piece Of Time

A shoplifter at Dillards on March 19 tried to steal clothing by taking them off the hanger and sticking them in a bag he was carrying. I guess he never heard of security cameras. He was charged with theft.

Common Sense

Walmart is a popular place for shoplifters. On March 19, one tried to stick 38 items worth $140 without scanning them. It didn’t work. The next day, a guy tried to be really clever, by bringing in a bag, sticking in a bag of dog food, and then returning it using a receipt from a previous purchase. He also tried to steal several items. It all came to a total of $105. Then, another tried to steal $42 worth of items on March 25. All were charged with theft.


Illegal Smile

A 43-year-old Willard, Ohio, man was found to have plates that had been stolen. He was charged with receiving stolen property.

Six O’Clock News

Police received a report of a car not stopping for a school bus, and they cited a 56-year-old Homerville man.


Angel From Montgomery

A road rage incident resulted in an exchange of a cup of coffee on March 21 at Interstate 90. The caller said he was cut off by a driver and flashed his lights. The flashee didn’t like it, so began to brake-check the flasher. They exchanged pleasantries at the light at the Detroit Road exit, at which she decided to give him her cup of coffee by tossing it. No charges were filed.


Catalytic converters were stolen from two of the vehicles at the Rocky River Adult Training Center on March 21. Detectives are investigating.

Some Humans Ain’t Human

A rental car with California plates pulled a quick-change scam on a Westwood Town Center restaurant March 25. Police are investigating.

Lake Marie

Police received a report on March 25 of a van driving up and down Wynwood Drive with two men getting out and approaching homes. When the van was stopped on Lake Road, it was discovered the duo were from Amazon, delivering packages.


Sleepy Eyed Boy

Multiple 911 calls on March 26 reported a car in a ditch on Interstate 90 near Crocker Road. Police found the 47-year-old Avon Man was snockered. His license was suspended and he was charged with OVI.

A Good Time

A 30-year-old Westlake woman didn’t understand the concept of a drive-through at 2:30 a.m. on March 27. She thought the one at Taco Bell was a place to sleep one off. She was arrested for OVI and while her car, with the Taco Bell food inside, was impounded.

Aw Heck

A driver noticed on March 27 that a car had a broken-out rear window and thought it might be stolen. Police stopped the car on Bradley Road, and found two firearms in the car, driven by a 23-year-old Cleveland man who had no license and previous felony convictions. One of the guns was reported stolen out of Lorain. There also were numerous possible illegal drugs. The driver and 25-year-old passenger were charged with weapons under disability as well as possession of stolen property. Additional charges are pending.

Down By The Side Of The Road

Police noticed a man walking down Detroit Road at 5:15 a.m., followed by a car driving really slowly. It turned out the couple were in an argument. After mediating the disagreement, the walker got in the car, but got out seconds later. He asked for a ride to an RTA stop. While driving there, officers found out the 25-year-old Cleveland man was wanted in Cleveland for aggravated assault, so they gave him a little further ride, taking him to Cleveland so officers could take custody.

-In Memory of the late John Prine.

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